Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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