i don't like sucking hair
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
