She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
