u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
