I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
