So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
