you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
