It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
