cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
