Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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