HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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