He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
