I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
