Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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