I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
