i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
