Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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