Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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