That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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