I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
