need another drink. this is the easiest way
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
