ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
