i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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