Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
