just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
