I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
