I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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