I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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