I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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