I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
