At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
