His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
