also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
