My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
