My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
