I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
