I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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