Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
