Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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