I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
