Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My cat gives me a boner
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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