WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
