I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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