if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
