On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
