I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
