What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
