Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
