Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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