I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
