So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
