While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
