i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
