He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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